These challenges are often rooted in differences in vantage points and communication styles. People with ADHD make sense of the world differently than others. For example, have you ever noticed that your partner hyper-focuses on things that truly grab his attention, and may tend to show up late because he got lost in time? Or that he tends to breaks promises to you, despite the fact that you have expressed your disappointment in this habit?

If patterns like this repeat themselves, you are likely to take it personally and feel disrespected. But these annoying traits typically don’t mean your partner doesn’t love or respect you. Face it: you both simply focus and experience time differently (and by the way, have you ever considered that some of your traits may annoy him too?).

It’s easy to understand how symptoms commonly associated with ADHD (hyper-focus, impulsivity, inattention and hyperactivity) can affect relationships. To complicate matters, most people with ADHD are not diagnosed until they are adults – if at all – and even fewer receive treatment.

Once you commit to developing an understanding of these differences, you and your partner with ADHD are on your way to a much more fulfilling relationship.

In light of some of the discord they experience, frequently the partner without ADHD wonders “why was I attracted to someone with ADHD in the first place, and why am I still in love with them despite the challenges?” Their responses frequently indicate that their partner with ADHD also has many positive and endearing qualities:

Creative
Energetic
Authentic – perhaps to a fault
Charming
Risk Taker
Fun!!!

For better or worse, here are seven tips that can help you and the one you love to live happily ever after.

1. Seek a professional diagnosis. Get a diagnosis to determine if your loved one actually has ADHD.

2. Educate Yourselves. The most important thing for an adult diagnosed with ADHD and their partner is to educate themselves. While an ADHD diagnosis may initially be a relief, it is a very complex diagnosis and the symptoms don’t disappear or become any less hurtful simply because one receives a diagnosis.

3. Work closely with your doctor, psychologist and/or ADHD coach to create a treatment plan. Your partner should find out not only if he has ADHD, but also if he has any co-existing conditions – for example, anxiety, depression, substance and/or alcohol problems – that can impact his treatment (and your relationship).

4. Determine what behaviors prevent you from being a fulfilled couple. If you love someone with ADHD, you can probably easily name at least one of his behaviors that seems to be interfering with the relationship. But relationship problems don’t develop in a bubble. Be humble enough to recognize that you may need to work on being more tolerant and identify your own blind spots or challenging traits. Work together (and with your ADHD professional, if possible) to find solutions.

5. Look at your household chores and determine if they are divided according to your respective strengths. As strange as it may sound, I’ve found that household chores tend to be a sticking point for couples dealing with ADHD. If one partner is more organized or adept with finances, then the chores they focus on should reflect that (e.g., balancing the check book). If the other spouse is more energetic, their chores should be those that require more movement (e.g., doing yard work). Instead of trying to get him to change, a better solution is to divide chores by strengths. This will increase the chances of them getting done consistently and fairly, as well as reduce stress.

6. Set aside quality time to spend together – make sure you date your spouse. Find someone to watch the children and do something fun together. Make a list of things that you both enjoy and spend some time each week on one of those things.

7. Sex. Could your sex life use a pick me up? Have you ever considered that challenges related to ADHD, including reactions such as lowered sex drive due to medication, could be preventing you from keeping your sex life as lively and fulfilling as it could be? The good thing is, with open communication with your partner and therapist, you should be able to get your sex life back on track relatively quickly. Talk about it!

All couples view the world differently and communicate uniquely – this fact may just be heightened for couples with ADHD. If your partner has ADHD, I encourage you to use these seven tips to turn potential challenges into creative ways to grow closer to them and get the love you deserve, when you deserve it!

ADHD coaches specialize in understanding, developing and leveraging the unique strengths and limitations associated with ADHD. Accordingly, they are distinctly qualified to help you become more successful at work (whether you are an employee or an entrepreneur), at school and at home.

2. What is ADHD coaching? It is a specialized type of life or business coaching that uses specialized techniques geared toward working with the unique brain wiring of individuals with attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. ADHD coaching is not a substitute for traditional treatment for ADHD, such as medication, diet, exercise, and other behavioral therapeutic interventions.

You also might want to consider whether the coach uses a strength-based approach when working with ADHD clients — that is, do they treat ADHD from a “giftedness” rather than a “deficit” perspective. If you are considering an ADHD business Coach, you might consider one that employs data driven assessment tools that incorporate objective data (from you, direct reports, peers and customers) about your unique ADHD and leadership traits. This way, they can asses your strengths and limitations based on objective data.

3. How will having an ADHD coach impact the rest of your ADHD treatment team? ADHD coaching is a compliment to the treatment you get from your physician(s) and counselor. Your ADHD coach will work in concert with your treatment team to make sure all of your symptoms are being managed effectively.

4. Is ADHD coaching different from therapy? ADHD Coaching is not psychotherapy. First, it generally doesn’t directly focus on a person’s past or emotional healing. Rather, ADHD coaching identifies specific actions that will help achieve your life and/or business goals. It is not uncommon to work with a coach while you work with a therapist or counselor. Many ADHD coaches also have backgrounds as therapists or counselors.

5. How does ADHD coaching work? ADHD coaching is a close, ongoing partnership. It is not uncommon for clients work with their coach for six months or longer. Coaches can either meet their clients in person, or by telephone three or four times each month, for 30 to 45 minutes per call. Coaching sessions cover what’s going on in the client’s life and/or business — with emphases on challenges, opportunities, employing strategies for success and incorporating feedback to adjust the strategy if need be.

6. Does telephone coaching really work? The answer to this question is mixed. Yes, telephone coaching works well for most clients with ADHD. Meeting by telephone can be preferable to the logistics associated with traveling to meet in person. In addition, it provides a wider variety of options in selecting coach who specializes in ADHD, as you are not limited by geographical location. However, there are those clients with ADHD that prefer face to face meetings. Alternatively, you can do both, or even video conference. Guess the best answer is there are options.

7. How do I select an ADHD coach? Most coaches offer a free trial coaching session, while others offer the first two visits at a reduced price. And, others offer webinars or conference calls, and will let you sit in as a visitor. Use these sessions to find out if you like the coach’s style, and if what they are offering complements your situation.
It’s a good idea to talk with three or more coaches before making your choice.
When evaluating your choices, listen for clues that the coach understands ADHD and has a solid history of working with it.

In addition to demystifying ADHD, I am excited about how coaching will help you tap into your hidden genius and maximize your success at work, school and home.

 

In today’s tough economic climate, entrepreneurs face a uniquely broad set of challenges. While forced to react to every day tactical crises (e.g., the demand to increase sales, the need to develop a new employee, securing long-term relationships), it is more important than ever to be proactive and maintain a strategic focus (e.g., put systems in place, implement strategies that respond to market changes and customer demands, improve the bottom-line, lead your company and create new opportunities).

To be successful, today’s Entrepreneur with ADHD must learn to differentiate between these competing demands. In fact, beyond learning to focus, it may be the case that increasing your ability to differentiate what activity merits your attention may an
equally – if not more – crucial determinant of your company’s success.

To help you learn to differentiate, I will refer to an approach I first encountered in the “E-Myth Mastery: The Seven Essential Disciplines for Building a World Class Company,” written by Michael Gerber. He insightfully points out that Entrepreneurs need to have the ability to differentiate (or as he say’s to “discriminate”) — that is, choosing where to focus your attention. Mr. Gerber has a brilliant, yet simple system that can be used to help Entrepreneurs with ADHD develop their skill at differentiating between whether an activity is strategic or tactical.

Assuming you have found an ADHD treatment that helps you learn how to increase your focus, developing your skill at differentiation may be the most critical step you take on your path to success.

You must learn how to focus — and where to focus — your attention. If you can not differentiate your attention, you will never learn how to use it to select the most important thing to do. An entrepreneur who can not differentiate will spend as much energy on the least important things as the most important things, which will almost guarantee you are taken off course. You must know what strategic objectives are important, and what activities will bring them about.

Achieving these strategic objectives has little to do with successfully reacting to today’s crises; rather, it involves proactively putting together and executing a strategic plan that accomplishes your big picture goals. 

To learn to become more strategic, I want you to get a calendar book and write down everything you do for a day. No matter how insignificant, I want you to list every thing you do. At the end of the day, you are to designate the activities on your list as either “E” for entrepreneurial, “M” for managerial, or “T” for technical.

The work that you designate an “E” to should be entrepreneurial work. The work you designate an “M” to could be entrepreneurial, or managerial work. That is, either you as an entrepreneur can complete it, or you could assign it to a manager because it is not essential that you complete it. The work you designate a “T” is definitely not entrepreneurial work. Rather, it is work you can assign to either a manager, or a technician to complete.

So how do you know which letter to assign to which task?

Entrepreneurial work. If the task is essential to achieving one of the strategic goals of your company, then it is the work of an entrepreneur. For example, doing a conference call with perspective investors on a deal that is essential for your long term success is designated “E”.

Managerial work. If the task falls within the operation of your company, and can be designated to manager, then it is the work of a manager. For example, making a sale, hiring/firing an employee is designated “M”.

Technical work. If the work can be completed by someone other than you or a manager, then it is the work of a technician. For example starting a new filing system, ordering supplies, or getting a computer network fixed is designated “T”.

Once you have identified whether your activities are either “E”, “M”, or “T”, you will probably be surprised by how little you’ve been differentiating between the strategic work an entrepreneur does and the tactical work that a technician can do. However, developing the skill of differentiation, will have a profound impact on the choices you make during the course of your day.

Next, I want you to organize your day into entrepreneurial, managerial and technical segments — and allocate your time accordingly. It doesn’t matter which times are devoted to which work, but for the purpose of developing the skill of differentiation, it is critical that you dutiful do this exercise daily, and that you confine yourself to doing the work you have committed to for that segment of time.

Once you start to make the distinction between strategic and tactical work, and govern your activities accordingly, you will notice that while you still have ADHD things will not continue to just happen to you. Instead, you will be begin to harness your ADHD in such a fashion that the stuff you want to happen in your business will always happen.

Good luck! Feel free to post a comment updating us on your progress!

To watch video clich here

In this Radio Show, Host, Joy Keys, Dr. Shane Perrault and Dr. Josephine Elia (Co-Medical Director of Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia’s Center for Management of ADHD), talk about a few Myths associated with ADHD. In addition to debunking some of these Myths, this show offers a strength-based, giftedness approach to ADHD — which should help you begin to recognize and harness the hidden talents and personality traits that frequently accompany ADHD.

In all, it’s an easy and informative 30 minute show that I think you will in enjoy!

Saturday Mornings with Joy Keys

“Saturday Mornings with Joy Keys” is an interactive, live Internet talk-radio show that focuses on providing people with tools to enrich and advance their lives mentally, physically, monetarily and emotionally. Callers are encouraged to call (646) 929-0368 to listen or ask questions.

The show is live every Saturday at 11:00 a.m. Eastern.Joy Keys is a native Philadelphian. She is a mother, trainer, speaker, mentor, actress, writer, producer and director. A member of the Screen Actor’s Guild (SAG) and a Leeway Art and Change grantee, Ms. Keys is passionate about making a difference in her local and global communities.

click here to see show

This post comes from the “Thoughts on ADHD and Marriage” blog and forum hosted by Dr. Ned Hallowell and Melissa Orlov.

One of the questions asked was “What gives you the greatest pleasure in your relationship?” Respondents without ADD who are married to people with officially diagnosed ADD answered that question this way:

The most common answers focused on spontaneity, laughter, fun and friendship.

Some examples:
Our playfulness. My ADHD husband has an incredible laugh that is absolutely infectious and he really knows how to play with real fun with me and with his adolescent daughter and young adult son.

My husband is enthusiastic, energetic, and fun to be around.

My husband who is ADD has such a fantastic ability to be funny. He has a wonderful way with words. Sometimes those words become negative but when they’re funny, he’s right up there with the best of comedians.

I love to listen to my husband talk: he is so knowledgeable about so many things and is willing to share his ideas. He has a great sense of humor too.

After over 15 years, we still talk all the time. We never run out of things to discuss, and even when we agree it’s a pleasure to hear his perspective. Partly because of that, I love to spend time with my husband and still look forward to him getting home each night.

Because of my husband’s ADHD, he can still maintain the playfulness of a teenager and works well with being spontaneous.

My husband is my best friend. He makes me laugh.

My mate is funny and creative. He is also very interesting because he loves to learn new things and share it with me.

I am married to a wonderful man with ADHD — he has the most amazing verbal creativity and sense of humor. He energizes me every day.

Another positive area for many respondents had to do with partnership and intimacy:

Feeling like you have a true partner to face problems and difficulties with. Enjoying the children with the only other person on the planet who feels as close to them as I do.

He can be incredibly loving, in words and in physical expression…
Romance and true love which is frequently expressed

I like the attention he gives me when we are alone. He is very romantic and spontaneous, which I find very exciting.

I find that having someone with which to share all of life’s ups and downs with is one of the best aspects of marriage. I truly believe you need to be best friends and be able to maintain that type of relationship throughout the marriage. Your spouse should be the first person you call when you are happy , sad, stressed, etc.

These responses focused on family, including:

The greatest pleasure in my marriage is knowing that I am loved by my husband and that I have two great kids and a daughter-in-law who I get along well with.

Our family unit. The special time we have just the five of us enjoying life, whether it be in the yard or on the boat.

I find it interesting and inspiring that so many of these quotes (and there are more) place such emphasis on the friendship between partners. If you are thinking about what area of your relationship to work on next, consider activities that strengthen your bonds as friends.

This post comes from the “Thoughts on ADHD and Marriage” blog and forum hosted by Dr. Ned Hallowell and Melissa Orlov.

Although this rule sounds simple and may seem to have nothing to do with ADHD, it is one of the most powerful productivity enhancers available, and can be particularly effective for Entrepreneurs by with ADHD.

Because the 80/20 rule is counterintuitive it is frequently overlooked.

As intelligent people, we pride ourselves on being logical, therefore, we reasonably deduce that 50 percent of our results come from 50 percent of our efforts and 60 percent of our results come from 60 percent of our efforts…and so on. Even worse, we conclude that if we work 12 hours it’s because there wasn’t an alternative. It’s hard to imagine we could actually do more in less time.

Even when working with those who intellectually “understand” the 80/20 rule, I’ve rarely encountered a client who meaningfully translated the rule into changes in how they organized their work day.

Why you might ask? As a general rule, I’ve found it is easy for people to recognize when someone else is inefficient, yet it can be very hard to recognize this same tendency in ourselves. Accordingly, whether people “understand” the 80/20 rule people, or not, they frequently tend to complain about not having enough time to get things done.

For Example
Let’s say that you work a typical eight-hour day. If it’s true that you get 80 percent of your results from 20 percent of your efforts, what could happen if you got laser beam focused for 96 minutes each day (20 percent of eight hours)? To give it a try, get a timer and set it for 96 minutes. Without interruptions, focus on your No.1 priority for the day.

Try this as early in the day as possible, before you get bogged down with e-mails, returning calls, meetings or other distractions. Many of my clients who have tried this idea have told me they were amazed with how much they accomplished. Try it for one week and see how well it works for you.

Why Is This Approach So Effective For ADHDers?

Clients with ADHD have found this method particularly effective for two reasons. First, it reduces distractions that frequently impeded their productivity. Second, it allows people with ADHD to maximize their ability to hyper-focus. Hyper-focus is the tendency to become absorbed in tasks that are stimulating and rewarding. Though they may have difficulty focusing, organizing, and completing certain mundane tasks, ADHDer’s frequently are able to focus intently on activities that interest them.